Jaime's So Called Life

A lot of people make comments when they find out I live on a boat. They range from "wow that is so cool" to "there is no way I could do it". I'm not holding back here. The honeymoon is over! I am going to sum it up in two words..."it sucks". I AM OVER IT. I crave land like a addict craves crack. A ghetto apartment complex has never looked so good folks. I am willing to trade my first born for a home on land. And no Erin, I'm not talking about pulling the boat out of the water and parking it in my mom's backyard.

I miss having a washer and dryer. It's hard for me to hold back my screams when I hear home owners/renters complain about the load after load of laundry they did that day. OMG and the people that have to carry their laundry up or down a flight of stairs. What a tragedy. I'd trade you 2 flights of stairs! I'll do your laundry and you can do mine. Make sure you have enough quarters. If not, you have two options. The first is to run to the bank. But keep in mind if you leave the marina there's a good chance that one of the sly neighbors sneaks their wash in before you and that just screws everything up. The other option is to dig through your purse, your car, the sidewalks looking for spare change. In desperate times I tend to do the latter. OK so say you have plenty of quarters. Now you have to map out your plan. Laundry soap is in storage on the other side of the marina, the clothes are at the end of the dock on the boat and the laundry facility is in the middle. Do you get the soap first or the clothes? And in between you have to stop in the laundry room to make sure no one is there. When I open that laundry door and see the washer is free I literally say "YES!" out loud with the occasional "thank you Jesus". And then I bolt outta there as fast as my short little legs will let me. I have to beat THEM! There is nothing as disappointing as getting back to the laundry room and the two washers have been stolen from right under you! It's down right blasphemy!

In my 20+ years of living on land never once did I hop into the shower and half way through rinsing the shampoo out of my hair the water ran out. This is almost like a ritual living on the boat. It's like playing roulette ever time you get into the shower. At 5:35am you're having the internal dialogue asking yourself "when is the last time we filled up the water tanks? its really cold outside but should I run out there in my nighty and fill them up just in case?". I ask myself that like I'm really going to run outside. Didn't you read my first blog? I'm lazy! So instead I take the risk and when the water is literally trickling from the shower head I scream at Erin to run outside in his boxers and turn the hose on. By far one of my favorite ways to start my day!

For most people after they flush the toilet the thought doesn't even cross their mind about where their "waste" goes. OH but on a boat you do think about it. You have to. Every flush is filling up the holding tank beneath our feet and when that holding tank fills up it needs to be pumped out (that's a whole other story for another day) otherwise you get the pleasure of smelling your "goodness" throughout the boat and on these days you REALLY, REALLY hope no one decides to drop in (something you don't have to worry about in the winter because who wants to hang out on a boat in the winter??). It was recommended by the Captain right when we first started dating that the 'ol number two should be taken care of in the public marina bathroom. Ya, cause every girl likes taking a public duece! And nothing like announcing to your new love interest "gotta head up the dock so I can poo".

It seems that my list of complaints of being the Captain's roommate is endless so I'll end this post right here and continue my grumbling another day.